The Hidden Seduction – Part V-3 – The Boring Stage

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Part V-3 – The Boring Stage

Jonas might have gone a bit farther than his convention limited him or his religion has expected of him by being a bit farther away from his vow to his wife Elizabeth. The worst of all, he confessed to his wife,  as a good Christian, his “sin” of having fallen in love with a Chinese woman a few years after the event. We would wonder, since he could stray from his Christian disciplines, why could he not bear the torture of his guilt, why would he not just consume it or let it rot away with his dead cells than sharing his burden with his wife whom he might have forgotten that she was also a human being?

Nevertheless, we could never understand the true reasons for this cruel disclosure of his “infidelity”. He might have a decent cause to break his oath for, but he did not do it right then in “proper” ways or he was just too true to himself to remember his vow. When the jug is broken, any way of breaking it should be wrong anyway.

It is in vain to blame when unpleasant things happen. Finding fault could not end the inevitable conflict between God and men and neither could it help build our life. Experiences, any experiences “good” or “bad”, all should become positive energies for wise people to resume their lives, not something to fear of, nor to avoid facing. “good” or “bad”, we need to embrace them as our lives, our only lives that would have been in these ways no matter how many lives we would have lived.

For Jonas, should he honour his own individual need or path while continuing honouring HIS that had taken his wife into this custodian of marriage, and how? Should he be allowed to “sin” and make mistakes, such big ones in his life that had mislead another person’s 2o years? Or we should say it is not sin nor mistake, but rather the natural unavoidable progression of  life? When we say that “cheating” is a “sin” or “mistake”, aren’t we putting ourselves on the “right” side of human moral laws, yet dwelling on the wrong side of natural laws? Is Christianity seen as natural laws or laws of our humans? But it seems that the unified only way is to live our lives well with what we have got making the best out from whatever situations we are put in.

Life is always complicated. The complication many times includes mainly our concerns for the loved ones, the direct wife or husband, children and indirect other members of the families. It seems that life always has two faces, one is for facing the institutions that we created and live in, the order that we established and have to follow, and morals and values that we teach our children to enable them to have something to hang strongly on; the other face is questioning ourselves inside, to understand our changing selves, our true feelings,and what the set world and moral touching promises still make the same good sense to the true changing instant us.

The second face is always timid with a little voice while the one outside is either unquestionably strong or used to be in set moulds. Could Jonas be a natural man and a godly man at the same time?  If not, why not then?  What would be the result of just being a natural man instead? Quebec men had kicked the ass of God out from their doors, what have become Quebec men for Ou Yang to date soon, what are these ungodly Quebec men?

Elizabeth’s divorce dragged longer than usual. She struggled for 8 years amongst bearing the banal consequences of her husband’s very humanity,  the cruelty of the discharged guilt and her own human attempts for forgiving. A woman who married her high school sweet heart, a pious Christian and a mother of four was given the burden to choose and carry separately the responsibility for the kids.

Since Elizabeth decided to divorce, she would be thrown into a world that she had not much knowledge of, or probably that she would not approve. It seemed that she cast herself out from her relatively enclosed and “purer” Christian world into a mixed one of all others. The most unfortunate of all,  she would encounter doubt in her firm mind,rendering herself at the risk of losing her Christian faith.

She was about to find out that the world where woman made from man’s rib was changing when science and technologies have made our life such that the strength of muscles are losing to that of brain. She knew very well that Eve was depicted the vicious and disrespectful one who tasted the apple of knowledge, and she herself had become a woman with free spirit who was in reach of any apples in the world. Yet, the Christian culture had planted into her blood and bones the concept and habit of relying on men without whom women were out cast forever into an unknown world, a world where men were leaving behind what she had been taught to believe in.

Instead of saying that Elizabeth was thrown out by an unrighteous and unkind incident onto an awkward stage, it would make more sense to think that she was put into an ordeal and incessant trouble and pain by the need for “confession” and for releasing the “guilt” righteously. Jonas was not saved neither from an ordeal, though different, or even worse and harsher one, from the unimagined consequences of being honest enough to “confess” and to ask for forgiveness, thus putting the hot ball into the hands of Elizabeth for his own errors that might be correctable by himself.  We were not saved from tasting the salt when Jonas and Elizabeth were crying. We were helpless. We could not even hold their hearts besides being silent.

Poor Elizabeth, now she was on a stage where she found herself almost naked and everyone of her small village was watching. She was out of the relationship with her husband, yet not ready to have a place to hang IN. She did not quite know the location of the door to the next house where she could accommodate her soul properly as she had achieved before with Jonas.

Her uncertain situation could be easily seen on her puffy face. The grievance, the unrest, un-eruptable wrath found their ways into her deep wrinkles. She was born with a up-beat character and was chosen by God as a perfect sower of sun rays, but the life changing event hardly could hold any longer her happy karma and her life nurturing sun rays almost resembled that pale light dazzling from a mirror. The need of her children, the love and care for her kids and the limit of the small town made it impossible for her exhausted soul to give up completely her once happy marriage of almost 20 years. Life is not a nice paint, life is real, ugly and awkward at this moment or years,  which did not allow her to go forward nor backward.

We would think that Christians do not fight against each other, yet we have to to accept that they fought hard by hanging fast to their belief and defending their humanity and conventional feelings fostered by their belief, or simple by not knowing what to do while tangled in complex situations . Their God was the witness of their frustration and indifferent relationship that was once loving and perfect. There seemed not much good left from the happy past except reluctance and indifference between the two of them.

Like Elizabeth, Ou Yang was slowly coming out from her Chinese convention.  With a vague vision of a “bright”future, all life businesses were uncomfortably annoying and discouraging .  The two women,  of different nations,  so different from roots to surface, were suffering strangely a surprisingly similar fate…


To Be Continued…

The Hidden Seduction – Part V-2 – The Shape Of Light

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Part V-2- The Shape of Light

For a Christian, divorcing was not something that was supposed to happen first of all  in Ou Yang’s mind, for God is their mutual idol and non of the couple should be subject to be questioned apart from their loyalty to God. But unfortunately, they are not God, they are humans who have been trying to live up to God but could never be God himself. Even though no one can be the invented God,  his qualities have always been there to encourage them to exceed human intelligence and abilities that had been constantly interfered and hindered by all obvious and hidden factors. Nevertheless,  HIS qualities have been serving well at least those who truly believe in them and the light of God has been a guidance for their short otherwise long, maybe confused and miserable journeys.

Elizabeth’s husband Jonas Larson was tired of USA in the late 80s. His life there had seemed like entering into a dead end. He taught high schools full of  young men and women, the majority of whom seemed unwilling to learn a bit more than just wanting to pass the exams. This modern world had become a place where people in general dragged their petty worm’s existence and slugged their fish’s pleasure with no dreams.   Quite a number of people had left Christianity, some had been attracted by Asian wisdom, very cool of possessing some kills of “Taiji” and “Gongfu”, and the rest fell in the ever-happy after without any belief. They set their feet on the grand path of losing the firstly never-truly-gained ability of understanding any completely incomparable thinking system with its power of emancipation for creation, invention and WELL Being. Probably for western people,  getting out from Christianity was a way to get in the system again by other doors and re gain its values after a big reset of conscience?

Maybe, ends adjust the means. And yes, this unique language of belief in different vernacular forms is disappearing, the churches are closing, since it seems that our purposes are different and way of life is changing. Matin Luther could translate whatever, yet he could not do anything more than providing just an opportunity. Montreal, the city of North America where Ou Yang and Ge Wen lived, with the most Catholic Churches where ” You can’t throw a stone without hitting a church”*, had half of the churches closed during the past 40 years.

USA seems intelligent enough to survive this “Quiet Revolution” which happened in Quebec, Canada  from the 60s and also had been happening in many countries in Europe.  This “Revolution” in Quebec shut the Catholic Church out from politics and people’s personal life completely, giving back the freedom to its people who rely on the system fought with faith. It is appalling how confident in our conscience we have become and how boldly trusting in our human nature and abilities we have appeared. It seems that we do not need better goals any more, or well being can be achieved with the scientific mind only.

No matter how intelligent USA was, the world was changing. Besides all charming technical gadgets, there was something that Jonas did not like. Maybe Jonas knew that belief would go after ambition, either for better or power, and that it would favour a place like China; or that it is only necessary for people in need of it as will power for success and supremacy.  Maybe  he should agree that the best thing in the world only belongs to people with different visions that could not be taught in ordinary languages and schools. There has always been a hidden school taught in a different language for people with different visions. This school has always made a difference in the classification of people than any other schoolings with their diplomas. There is no measuring diploma for the depth achieved by thinking.

Education is all about enlightening us into conscious beings so that we can keep our calmness and balance over human and natural disasters and can distinguish and keep the wisdom of the world among changes of values and styles.  Christianity, in western cultures, had triumphed its primary purpose of lifting us humans above our ignorance about ourselves and the fearful world full of  miseries and threats to our early existence and development, yet unfortunately, part of it became an obstacle slowly to the questioning of the truth of universe and to the progression of human thinking. Some Christian believers and many other people too started to question and blame God instead of questioning their small brains,  though possibly the small brains together could be just as infinite and almighty with proper thinking system.

The way to understand the Bible, it is more of a question of classification of the genre. It is not a documentary based on facts that could be proven, it is rather a fable  with hidden meanings or a fiction with some truths and many experiments of using symbols to try to give support and console the scared miserable small people who were in great need of comprehension and compassion.  It is hard to eliminate what Christianity has done as an early form of education only because some people, institutions or nations had been using it for their ungodly purposes.

Nonetheless, the wonders of the universe and the shapelessness of wisdom have made The Institutions, any institution, instantly obscure,  incomplete and in inevitable default. Such is also the fate of men and women: curious but stubborn, intelligent but dumb, courageous but cowardly, inventive but conventional, diligent but lazy, and most of all, sometimes too passionate and ambitious to be even against their own God’s will in the Western societies,  but too cool and detached as Daoism and Buddhism out there in the “emptiness”, away from our little people’s hearts that unfortunately need warmth to survive and shoulders to cry on.

Humans tried all the ways including naturally impaired institutions run by enlightened mixed with benighted or evil men to reach out for their gods.  Yet, some little brains did break through the thick walls of the Institutions and went outside for a “better” view of the world, just the same but inversely as Christian God had sent his SON Jesus to break though the ignorance, to be patient with and to include the totality of men,  and even to die for his love of mankind.

Jonas was bored teaching. He was not sure anymore what to teach, because he was not convinced that most of his students loved what he taught. They were not disciplined. The freedom put their legs on their desks and chew gums constantly and incessantly while talking to him…He felt that USA was becoming another country, a country fading away from his God and the God of Americans, and it was sliding into a Kingdom of freedom of disrespect and ignorance. He felt that the nation was getting old and its youth were turning themselves into mute donkeys who had no dreams, nor better goals than necessity,  nor spirit, and who had the tendency of staying with their parents way after their age of independence.

As his ancestors moved to USA from Sweden, he had this spirit of adventures. He wanted to leave US for China. He wanted to get out from US which, in his eyes, started declining as the world super power in politics, economy, culture including spiritual status. His first experience of teaching in Xi’An, China in 1990 had persuaded him to go back again after the few years’ teaching in Singapore and Malaysia. He stayed a few more years in Xi’An after 1996. He liked Chinese students. He really loved them for their spongy absorbing minds, their hungry and open pores on every inch of their skin and their endless child-like questions. He loved to stay in China where his body was energized, his soul revived and his spirit nurtured by the willingness and curiosity of his students and this “young” nation.


To Be Continued…


* Mark Train‘s Description of Montreal, Canada



The Hidden Seduction – Part VI-1 – Ou Yang and Simone Wei

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Part VI-1 – Ou Yang and Simone Wei


Ou Yang was not a person who would just take anyone. She would neither take black men nor any other men who were said to be good in bed. She would only consider men who would fall right into her precise mould. She was almost sure that she would not divorce until she found this man.

With all her prejudices and funny generalisations, Ou Yang fixed her next goal for a western white man. Ou Yang was not at all stupid. She did have a feasible way of gathering information like most Chinese do without feeling shy. She tried to make friends with girls who were dating western men and those who seemed to be quite successful and happy.

Among the few of her girlfriends, she would hang out, whenever she had time,  with a Chinese woman whom she met when purchasing their house. This woman was their real estate agent who found their cottage in Lachine.

Her name was Simone, a name given by a Canadian Teacher back in China for the convenience of pronunciation, as the majority of English speaking people are said to have been the least versatile in speaking other languages but their own, which is also true for Chinese. Her Chinese family name was Wei. Simone is not an English name, but rather a French one. It was given to her because her teacher Dana Mullen herself liked very well the philosopher, Christian Mystic and social activist Simone Weil. So she was given this name without an L at the end. It fit just perfectly.

In Ou Yang’s eyes, Simone was some one whom she not only wanted to get information from, but also something else as well.  She was in search of a moral support.  Even there were quite some Chinese women dating Western men, Ou Yang knew well what it meant in the eyes of the other Chinese! She wanted to feel alright to date western men. Her short love affaire with the French young man Marius Gallant years back had long faded and she had no idea now what to do at her age. It seemed that she just needed some man except her husband rather than she wanted to fall in love. She simply became unfamiliar with love affaires…

Ou Yang chose Simone because Simone had an air of surety, freedom and also owned some kind of power that she needed.  Simone spoke very well English and was familiar with the history, cultures and customs of western countries in general, for the reason that she was an English and American Language and literature major at University. Her Quebecois French was fluent and decent with years of working among Quebecois colleagues in Quebecois companies. Ou Yang herself spoke English and French. So she reckoned that communication would not be an issue when dating.

Simone immigrated to Montreal in the year two thousand. Among all some what different Chinese immigrants, even among people in general, Simone belonged to a different species. She was Chinese while not quite thinking, speaking and behaving like one;  if we reckoned that she was not Chinese, then what country did she belong to? She had a Chinese face, but her facial expressions and body languages were not Chinese. Many Canadians thought she was born in Montreal, or second generation of immigrants, or she was a Philippine, Japanese or Vietnamese.  We were short of categories of people and countries to fit her in. But the only thing we were sure about her was that, if we lost her, no one else could replace her in this world.

She was a pleasant person who always showed an obvious but non-intruding  nor imposing presence. She had this child-like genuine and constant curiosity towards the world, societies and human-beings, yet on the other hand, she maintained a certain proper respect and gene. She was seldom curious on other people’s private businesses nor was she interested in manipulating people to do things for her, nor in imposing her point of views on others.

There was this glaze in her eyes and smile on her face that connected her heart to the people around. This glaze with her attractive smile would create an affinity. She seemed well loved by her neighbours, colleagues, and friends, for the reason that they felt energised and happy to be with her. These were also the reasons that Ou Yang liked her. She seemed a woman who lived each of her days as the last one of her life.

Simone was very active in life doing almost all sports we could name: Tennis, Table Tennis, Swimming, Badminton, Skating and Skiing! She didn’t just do it, she did them well. Another worth mentioning thing was that she was passionate about dancing.

We were not talking about the dances to the graceful slow sappy Chinese depressing love music and songs, but to that energetic, interesting and fun Salsa, sensual and  sexy Bachata and other latin American music. She was thought to look like an Latina and especially when she was dancing. She had such a charm when dancing that her movements with her special attitude radiated energy right into our blood and made dance all the more irresistible, even to the most awkward person in the world.

We would doubt that there was anything that she would not be curious of and not want to learn and make it good. That was her spirit of a gymnast trained between 7-14 years of age.

A very weird thing about Simone was that it seemed she did not know worries nor did she understand the miseries and difficulties of life. Maybe she did not have any, because she was believed by Ou Yang to have a good and “easy” career and a “super easy” life. Most importantly, Ou Yang assumed that all good stuff Simone enjoyed was because of the nice Canadian Quebecer Victor Point whom Simone was dating. Everything about Simone just appeared smooth and effortless.  Ou Yang was sure that if she herself had the money and the man , she also would be easy and happy. Ou Yang definitely thought that Simone was lucky. Simone had the hot profession and had found her man who was there as the Harbour sheltering her from storms of life. A harbour has been the goal for all women especially Chinese women who have not been lucky.

Obviously, Simone became Ou Yang’s private life listener and dance mentor. We didn’t know why Simone had a special and deep empathy for Ou Yang. She knew that Ou Yang was in desperate need of some one who would listen to her to get rid of her frustrations, and also of encouragement and information about western men, here to be precise: Quebecois men.

Simone seemed to be about thirty five years old in body. She measured one meter fifty-seven centre meters and weighed fifty kilos. The constant seven years of gymnastic training helped keep her skin healthy and shape beautifully muscular. It was hard to categorize her as a beauty, but easy to say that she was lively and charming, thus indeed beautiful. Her mind was a mystery. She could seem naive and trusting like a kid, at the same time, old and complex as two thousand years! Was it because she came from an old miserable country, so old and miserable that people had lost track of what happiness was? It might be true that miseries make people old in heart and might give some wisdom.  As Victor Hugo said: “ Those who do not weep, do not see”. Nevertheless, we did not really know her age.

She let Ou Yang hang out with her and listened to her incessant ranting, hoping that from time to time, there might be a chance that Ou Yang stopped her own rough voice and listened to her cool and pragmatic ideas, and sometimes to some “strange things” she might say.  Like all other people in the world, Simone was also prejudiced, but in the ways of a pragmatic fighter and doomed winner. She was patient and loving enough to show Ou Yang a quite different world which might be just the same world, wishing that Ou Yang would use her well and suck all she needed for her well-being.

To Be Continued…



*Dana Mullen, a real name of a real person. She was the author’s post graduate thesis tutor. A Canadian woman who might be in her sixties-seventies now. The use of her name is in memory of her help to the American literature studies of the author back in 1985-1987. The author had never have any news of her since she left China.

The Hidden Seduction-Part V-1 – The Power of Words

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With Gisèle

Part V-1 – The Power of Words

Besides the shock, Elizabeth’s divorce affected Ou Yang in other ways. It allowed her to feel less guilty of wanting to step out of her marriage. Guilt does not only belong to Christians, or any other religion, even though it has worked through the ages and could still work in a constructive way; it belongs to any culture that wants to manipulate its people.

Ou Yang now felt better about what she should do next. She did not utter a word about divorce, because Ge Wen was leaving for Vancouver soon and she needed to take advantage of his absence. This secretive plot did not mean that she wanted to continue working on her failed marriage, but that she wanted to see her chances with other men. Ideally, she wanted to find someone else before she made her intentions clear.  Should she fail to find such a man, she could just go on pretending nothing had happened and forget about divorcing, since it was something her whole family in China and all of her Chinese friends in Canada strongly opposed.

One thing was for sure: she did not want to date another Chinese man. Even if she had wanted to choose again from her own race, there were not many for her to choose from. The “good” Chinese men stayed married, and the single ones must have had something “wrong” with them if they were still single when they reached 40. Chinese men feel the same way about Chinese women. If women were still single after age 35, people tended to regard them as old, ugly and rigid spinsters. The fact that Ou Yang was over 40, and “aiyo, with a son!” would definitely have eliminated her from the running for the “better” divorcées or the rich older Chinese men who had always had a sea of much younger girls ready to cling to their “merits,” especially in China. The richer ones could always obtain younger “arm-candies” very easily, not necessarily virgins, but with their particular “sexy” girlish giggles and high pitched sweet tones, and definitely without the burden of children.

Ou Yang was not completely disillusioned with marriage, which meant that she was smart enough to see her husband as an individual Chinese man who did not satisfy her needs, and that she still could expect something different from other men, men of other races from whom she had heard nice words and seen nice smiles and good deeds.

She had heard from her friends that was a good site to meet single men, but she could not wait for Ge Wen’s departure to establish a profile to see if there were men out there who could fit into her criteria. The discrimination involved in Ou Yang’s selection of men was truly amazing.

She received a few messages on the first day she published her profile. She clicked on them and saw that some had pictures, and some did not. Dating through a website was quite a novelty for her, and she knew most people would regard it as somewhat bizarre; they were still used to traditional ways of meeting and dating. But Ou Yang had no time, nor did she have a large circle of friends. It wasn’t easy to get to know people face to face, or to befriend colleagues who had worked together for years, and it was hard to imagine the results of meeting men on line, especially western men with their different thoughts and habits. The internet dating thing could be full of fun for doubtful Chinese women who didn’t have the faintest idea of who they might run into.

Without a doubt Ou Yang, like other Chinese women, had illusions about Western men, the cause of which mainly derived from contrasts and abrupt generalization.

Chinese culture praises the merit of being subtle, yet, at the same time, we seem to not have enough words to express our wishes and feelings. Do we not have enough? Or maybe we do, but are too shy to use them, or are unsure about our feelings. Maybe we have doubts about using them. In a word, our ability to express is tied up, with some horrible reasons hidden behind it.

The Chinese language is losing some of its charm on its way to modernization from traditional Chinese, as China has been losing the charm of the great advanced dynasties like Tang and Song, while other parts of the world have gained different, faster ways of thinking with the help of science and technology. Language always follows the fate of the country, and the Chinese language enjoys no exception of this rule.   It would be difficult to see the subtle but important effect of language in the development of a country. Even though the complex structures of Chinese words are extremely beautiful, its complexity tangles the country’s development. The simplification of the Chinese language, like the translated vernacular version of Martin Luther’s Bible, is Epoch-making. Both language revolutions made the “heavenly” books accessible to ordinary people, and thus made reading and learning possible for their society.

Language is a tool for culture, politics, and many other social aspects. Han Yu (Chinese) became Zhong Wen with the new socialist China (Zhong Guo means “country in the middle,” so Zhong Wen is the language of the country of the middle).  Zhong Wen has gained the vocabularies of communism and socialism after being gradually simplified, and has added many special terms, like the expression “Socialism With Chinese Characteristics” after Deng Xiao Ping visited the South in 1992. Deng Xiao Ping might have saved China from any more words of the leftist socialism represented by Mr. Jiang Ze Ming, and he might have wanted China to develop and enlarge its vocabulary in a modern sense, but the June 4th “event” in Tian An Men Square put doubts into the minds of the Chinese people about the ability of Mr. Deng and his successors to continue the modernization of the Chinese language.

Language should really be more a tool for communication and dating! When Chinese meet, we say: “Have you eaten?” Westerners instead would say: “How are you?”  When we chat, we ask: “How much you make?” Westerners would rather figure it out through other pertinent information during the conversation. When Chinese lovers meet, men with no money or social status feel ashamed, and therefore keep silent. They stay cool by being mute- at least “silence is gold,” otherwise they would have nothing left! The richer ones show off their flats and cars, and the women would ask: “how many flats do you have?” If they like the men, they girlishly say “Tao Yan! (disgusting).”  Ou Yang was not conscious of this issue, and was not thinking about what she should say.

In life, as it is impossible to avoid subtleties, it is hard to maintain respect and love without subtle languages. Modern Chinese are caught between the clichés and dead subtleties of an ancient language and the abrupt assertions of their immature minds and limited vocabularies to express the most basic concepts. The day China restrained its people’s freedom of speech, their minds started to become lazy, and eventually stopped functioning. When the mind stops thinking, language dies.  Language is like a muscle; if it does not get practice, it will wither. We can then imagine how Chinese men and women talk to each other when in love, and when the courtship period has passed.

We Chinese only thought that we lagged behind in economics, and that we had no money. We had no idea about many things that seemed unimportant, including the stagnant situation of our once wonderful language. Western people possess subtler expressions that help grow fine feelings between each other and lend grace to its painful but constantly groundbreaking history. Their language and literature developed, and their vocabulary increased. Free thoughts provided the space for them to grow nice feelings, and words provoked by thinking are there to express the subtleties.

Indeed, Ou Yang had been attracted by the politeness and respect behind the expression:”Would you like to…?” of Marius, and freshly shocked by the concept of appreciation and affirmation in his phrase: ” It is a great pleasure for me be with you!”.  On the contrary, the simple statement of “I am sorry, my dear” would take maybe a hundred years for any Chinese to break into saying, especially for parents and authorities to do so in any circumstances. It is very rare that Chinese say to each other: “I trust you!”, because they observed and learned in the society and concluded that trust is not good while money is the immortal truth that could bring happiness and security.

Language also affects relationships. The relationship between Chinese, especially between family members or a couple, has been taken for granted for so long that it has become unbearably tasteless. Kisses are retained for lovers, hugs are kept for parents and their young children, and handshakes are reserved for business relations. And so there is nothing left for parents and adult children, friends, brothers, and sisters, except for “Great Expectations;” we can almost forget those whom we know, who are of no use to us, and we can totally forget about strangers on the street. People in need, those who are missing limbs or are injured, who beg for food, a young girl of 13 who “sings” on the streets to pay for her tuition…the Chinese have absolutely nothing for them, not even the warmth of a glance, because there are just too many of these unfortunate souls and our kindness is bleakly shy for the scarcity of words and reluctancy of smiles that cost us nothing to utter and shine , and maybe cost nothing to take, but would make a difference if we believe that they have the meanings we intend.

Elizabeth, a pious Christian, and her well-informed and educated husband Jonas Larson had shown Ou Yang the niceties of Western values and behaviors, which Ou Yang had mistaken for Western reality in general. Bearing in mind that Ou Yang had only ever left the old city of Xi’An, China to spend about eight years in Quebec, in her eyes Europeans, Americans, Canadians, and Quebecers were more or less the same. The differences between people boiled down to family upbringing, profession, and level of education. Particular local history with its events that happened in different times were not taken into consideration when she encountered a new society, and especially when she was not equipped with the intelligence to understand. Nevertheless, Elizabeth and Jonas had planted a vague hope in Ou Yang’s mind a long time ago, with their polite, respectful, colorful, and joyful languages and their abundant wonderful words, along with the niceness, subtleties and sincerity of their connotations.

That is the power of words, the foremost of all wonders, which makes us fall in love with and trust the world we create with, the adjusted balance of which might take time and pain to discover, and which might never be found.

To be continued…

The Hidden Seductions – Part IV- 2 – The Hidden Missions!

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Part IV- 2 – The Hidden Missions!


The USA financial crisis arrived in 2008. It is surprising that a nation who strongly believes in their God and his Son Jesus did not succeed in preventing men from restraining from his nature of greed,  if their national effort of 450 years had been in vain in certain aspects! It is shocking that the most advanced minded American “scientists in finance” would encourage and push its people to the edge of dungeon and leave themselves with the danger of having their wealth without base. “If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.” so said John F. Kennedy.

Maybe it so happened on purpose to give Americans a big blow in their faces to wake them up to HIS teaching.Stephen Colbert said: “If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we’ve got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don’t want to do it.”  We wonder if Americans can be great again! Maybe it is still great for trying to hold the big Noah’s Arc by giving up fights over the question if the Rich should pay more taxes and the poor are worth being helped. There arrives a time when “love” should again get involved, and the doubt about the reason for  “love” would be as ridiculous as it be highly insensible at this moment.

The “Financial Crisis” found its roots in the deregulation on many financial policies, inducing a misleading of real estate market value increase, encouraging non-qualifying borrowers to high debt-ratio loans with over and illegal transactions of insured mortgages between mortgage insurance companies, and eventually resulting in 25% of mortgage default.  The direct but hidden side-effect of “out-sourcing” jobs for more profit and tax-saving schemes starting in the 80s to Japan, then to Taiwan, and in the 90s, to China and other asian countries in a large scale had served as the bait for its caught-up situation.

When they turned to its reserve, they found out that only debt was there from decades of borrowing and tax-cuts for the rich started back from Reagan’s time. Ten years of expensive wars in Iraq and Afghanistan further endebted the great nation up to 14 trillions , leaving USA  an advanced country like grass without roots and river without source. Greed is a nature for both the rich, and the poor, only with the poor suffering much more the consequences. USA  is set again on a mission that is not new in its history.

When USA sneezes, Canada will soon get a cold.   Though the impact of the “Crisis” was not as fast and brutal,  since Canadians had been more careful about deregulation on banking policies and the Canadian Social Security and Medical Structures had been serving as an important safety net, it did slow down the economy! The unemployment rate raised a little. Staff from other countries-immigrants or new comers to the companies were believed to be the first “scape-goats”.

Ge Wen believed that he would be the first one to lose his job if the company would start laying off people. He had not been feeling comfortable with his boss, “a woman” made it even so,  and he basically had no contact with his colleagues.

“What to say to them?” He would protest against his wife when she said that he should maintain a good and closer relationship with them.

He was lonely. Everyday, he found his legs heavy leaving the threshold of his cottage and very light and happy leaving for it at the end of a day’s work. At least, he would have time for his son or cooking, or scroll on internet for news from China, or following heated discussions on issues concerning China, or reading the typical Chinese way of binary judgements… Home was his only place of comfort!

Ge Wen wanted to change company a few times, but at that special time of crisis, for the sake of the obligations to pay the mortgage and fund his son’s extra learnings, he stayed. He dragged, rather put that way. He would do the minimum just enough to keep his job. He would reluctantly say “Hello” to his colleagues when there was no way to avoid and he would definitely do everything not to see his boss.

Ou Yang was slowly seeing her husband sinking into some place that she could barely prevent him from falling. For her, it was not acceptable to fail. She thought if she could do it, then why couldn’t he? Theoretically she seemed not wrong.

Another thing from her husband’s failing away was something that Ou Yang could hardly make any effort for. His sexual desire diminished and gradually he stopped making love to her.  This situation had been dragging on for more than 6  months!

“Should we go see a doc…?” Even before the question was finished, Ge Wen got angry and yelled with reddened face:

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

Quickly after, he disappeared up to their room! Their room had some how become “his” room. It became permanently HIS after a few times of trying to be together . Ou Yang slowly got the feeling that chasing her husband for sex would be as in vain as seducing a dead cat! Ou Yang had been squeezing herself with her son ever since.

Women always could find some one to vent their frustration,  but it seemed men would or could not. Maybe it was because that men had been taught to be tougher and women were allowed to cry. Men would very seldom utter to people about their problems, especially sexual ones. They seemed more bottled up on this subject especially. They either shut up or did something already. Men had been proven not to be willing to divorce for insufficiency or lack of sex, while women had been said not to be capable of dealing with this issue like men. Was it easier for  men to have mistresses than women having lovers?

Ou Yang was born a person with high energy and with a higher libido as well. It was harder for her not to look at those good looking “foreign”guys when they passed by, not easy to resist their flirtation and obvious seduction! The seductive language accompanied with the hot look and hallucinating cologne became even more irresistible.  From time to time,  it would snap her into a kind of dark pleasure for a moment, though short and unreal as it was, yet it sometimes eased her hopeless yearning and temporarily satisfied her hunger under no reserve.

Sometimes, she found herself lost in a corner of the office not knowing what she was there for! She found it unbearable to watch those hot love making scenes and she had to walk away or pretend to have something else to do. Yet she was intensely drawn to those posters of lovers kissing or terrible scenes of pure erotic body movements when she went to a movie by herself!  Those implications of sex often tortured her in her imagination and left her at the edge of reaching an orgasm, seemingly a feelable one.

At the same time, she would unclearly feel that she was a low-class cheap woman by being so much in need of gentle cuddles and wild screams with her men. She felt guilty. A mother, with a 7 years old son, could have such a burning desire and addicted sexual hallucinations.  She felt very sad and lonely walking alone in this world full of sexy men, but  she could not have a bit of comfort or pleasure. Sometimes, she felt that the inner she would give up everything for things she was entitled to as a simple being! But she could not, she could not cry, neither could she leave! She just could not abandon everything and everyone, and she had run out of words for desperation and wreath.   Not more desperate than her husband, she was bending down lower with much biological pressure and complication.

Among the chaos of her life, Elizabeth was arriving! Even it would be in a few months time, it was at least something for her to expect for, something she could be sure of its authenticity . That Irish American woman, with her loving husband and 4 children all very healthy and lovely,  had been her idol for the past 15 years! That was a family Ou Yang had wanted。That was her deep dream,  her wish in desperation, and her steel Anchor that would fix the little lost and floating boat of hers in the exhausting fight with her husband, son, her work and with herself.

OU Yang impatiently counted the weeks on her calendar for her missionary to arrive.

She was unconsciously waiting to be saved, as her 2nd brother-in-law had been waiting back in China more than 10 years ago. Elizabeth and her husband Jonas Larson gave him a simple baptisation by dipping his whole body into their “luxurious” bath tube in their Guest House. They asked him to hold tight his nose, slowly laid his body into the water, then brought him up dripping like a duck. They were singing prayers during the procedure. Her brother-in-law said God was the salvation that he had been waiting for!

That was a secret! No one else knew except four of them; it was the secret mission of Elizabeth and Jonas Larson. Brother-in-law had been a communist party member since 18 years of age and had always been working for the government without annual holidays or even a blink of an eye. He was not holding a small position. A communist party member, a government official being baptized as a Christian in the 90s in China was indeed unimaginable . His baptization had been a hidden fact from the communist party and a deadly secret, the disclosure of which would definitely lead to his complete removal from the party and  cost him his Iron Rice Bowl.

Back then, Ou Yang was not feeling comfortable of accepting it as her brother-in-law did! She was a serious girl always. How could one be baptized without even reading the “Holy Bible”? She did not understand why her brother-in-law said those surprising words about God being his salvation. Was he abandoning his Party? Chairman Mao was not his salvation any more? But, she felt that her brother-in-law some what changed. To what, she could not describe. Maybe two salvations were better than one?!

For Ge Wen, it was an absolute taboo as he had been taught that religions were poisonous snakes and deadly diseases.  We were atheists and materialists. We did not believe in anyone else, nor in anything else.

But, this time, when Elizabeth would be here, she thought she might have some serious matters to discuss with her and might even accept to be baptized as a Christian, thus she could be saved with the help of the “almighty” Elizabeth. She could not wait for the day when she would arrive! She was dreaming that all troubles be removed and she become happy and light!


To Be Continued…