The Hidden Seduction – Part VII-3 – The Logic

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Part VII-3 – The Logic

Ou Yang stayed in Simone’s house a very long time that Sunday. She made very clear her wronged feelings and righteous logic. She cried a few times as she talked about the sacrifice she had made for her little family, as though she had stooped to marrying Ge Wen. Simone didn’t understand how Ou Yang could act so shocked, like she had been the innocent party to which the harm was done.

Ou Yang somewhat changed this time. Her voice, though still coarse, became thinner, fragile with gusts of wailing. Her face was puffy from obvious weeping and her eyeliner had become pale black smears down her cheeks. She did have the look of a victim seeking for compensation.

“I told Ge Wen that we are staying. We are not going to Vancouver,” she said decidedly. “I told him that we need to continue the education of our son, my only son. I told him to send us $1,500 a month plus his $700 share of the payment for the house!”

Ge Wen’s new job in Vancouver paid him about $60,000 a year. After taxes, Ge Wen had only about $4,500 per month. But if he agreed to Ou Yang’s demands, then he would only have $2,300 left to cover his $1,200 monthly rent, plus car and food expenses.

They all knew that living in Vancouver was much more expensive than in Montreal. Ou Yang’s demands for “compensation” sounded weirdly like passive robbery to Simone.

Simone tried to wake Ou Yang out of her sense of righteousness, of being the victim making her claims now that the bandit was caught. She could not or maybe just would not see that she was the bandit, yet she needed one.  Ou Yang uttered those words full of logic and her demands sounded God granted.

But Ou Yang wouldn’t listen. She bargained, ha! She bargained with Simone, as though Simone were her husband’s accomplice.

“No, I don’t care. We need this much money! We have to keep our standard of living!” Ou Yang was almost yelling to Simone.

Then Ou Yang began calculating all of the expenses for Sunny’s studies, and the after school activities that she would have to pay for.

She wasn’t even bargaining anymore. Ou Yang had made her decision and that was it.

“Fine, fine, don’t tell me then,” Simone finally said, “tell it to your husband!”

“I already told him clearly!” Ou Yang confirmed to herself that she was alright about her demands.

But if Ge Wen had agreed,  Ou Yang wouldn’t have been going on and on to Simone. Here, a man had been abandoned, and nearly half his income demanded of him in order to maintain the standard of living for his queen-like wife and only son, while he squeezed by in a 50 square meter apartment in Vancouver.

Ge Wen was facing, for the first time in his already miserable life, a challenge to which he was scared to respond. If he refused, his wife and her family in China would consider him a dishonorable and cruel husband. And they would use his refusal as proof that Ou Yang had indeed married beneath her when she married such a cheap man.

 

To be continued…

 

Problems Abroad Indicate Problems At Home!

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“Chinese gold miners abused and raped Ghanaians, says online report”

South  China Morning Post

Read this report on Alberto’s FB . It reminds me of these two photos posted above. They are taken in China, somewhere unknown with anonymous photographers,  posting or publishing agencies.

No matter how afraid the photographers are to disclose the ugliness of Chinese miners at home, the inhumane, or better say abnormal cruelty of all creatures and exploitation of the same species,  what is shown in these photos indicates the roots of problems abroad.

When someone behaves bad in the society, there must be something wrong at home. Usually if he is abused or distorted at home during the time he is bought up, he gets used to these ill treatment and has taken it normal, then he most likely has learned it by intuition and most probably, he will use the same ways to treat others. Learning by intuition provided and enhanced by certain environment marks the learners with deep-rooted strongest effect which would take him forever to remove or quit, or even to realize.

For a nation, it is the same. When its people behave bad in their own country, treat themselves and each other in bad ways, it is almost impossible for them to behave differently. They are equipped with THESE WAYS and these are THE WAYS. They are unconscious of the wrongs that are born to their bones and melted into their blood generations after generations.

When the ill treatment or behaviour has always been accepted, or ignored of its wrong for long, especially for a nation who has been shut away from the trends of the world, its people have lost the sense of justice until they meet with oppositions. Chinese bad behaviour will not likely to encounter the violent oppositions because their balls are held by their stomaches. If a weak Chinese dares to say anything or even show a little bit colour of discontent, he will be fired.

China had been strong over the world in certain periods of history: Tang and Yuan Dynasties, or we can say that the history of China or any great civilization has been one of expansion all along the time line. China used to be very small, only places of now Centre,  East and south of China. She had expanded to Northeast, further South, Southwest and North West. Where ever Chinese went, they brought its agricultural technologies,  its language and other cultural aspects. Of course, any habit needs to be broken, and it is fine if the habit we break belongs to an inferior category.

The world has greatly changed, not only in ways of working, but most importantly, in ways of how people treat themselves at home, each other  in the society and how to treat people of different cultures. In a word, humanity has become the most important element of our modern world, a world which has become smaller because of internet, a world closer in understanding the essence of life, a world much less tolerant to ill behaviours.

Twenty-First Century is China’s century! This will not come true until Chinese genuinely realize who they have been, how they have treated themselves and each other, how they have been ignoring and tolerating injustice at home! China needs an anchor at home to hold its own boat in storms. She needs capable sails that will guide the boat breaking through the evil wind from its own land and that of the world.

The Hidden Seduction-Part VII-2 – Scared and Desperate

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Part VII-2 – Scared and Desperate

 

At about 10 am one Sunday morning, Simone’s cellular rang as she was preparing some documents for her clients in her home office.

“Hi, Simone. It’s Ge Wen!”  Simone didn’t know Ge Wen was back.

“Oh, oh, Ge Wen na! How are you?” She was happy to hear Ge Wen’s voice.

Ge Wen did not respond to her greeting; many overseas Chinese were not used to greeting each other or making small talk as North American people often do before starting a conversation on a subject. Instead, he asked abruptly:

“Was Ou Yang there with you last night?”

Being Chinese herself, Simone was used to this kind of bluntness-getting right into the point. So she answered directly:

“No, she was not here!” Obviously, Simone had no idea why he would ask such a question.

Naively Simone added: “ why do you ask?”, her mind was still focused on her laptop, searching for the French version of her client’s contract that wasn’t  showing up under “Documents”.

“She said that she was with you last night!”

Then, from the other end of the line came no more sound. A moment of silence.

This moment of silence was long, so incredibly long that Simone immediately regretted her words. She felt stupid. Why had she not held her tongue? Why was she still working instead of paying full attention? She couldn’t blame Ge Wen for being blunt and rushing her into this stupidity, could she?!

“Oh, oh, shit!”

It was the first time she had ever done something so unbelievable, so stupid. By leaking information she hadn’t intended to, rather than to fear that she would lose her loyalty to Ou Yang, she started to worry that she might have gotten herself involved in something unpleasant and troublesome-something she wanted nothing to do with.

Without surprise, Ou Yang arrived crying in the afternoon.

“Ge Wen knows now that I am dating this guy!”

Ou Yang sounded like she was crying, but there were no tears in her eyes. Only the puffiness of her face showed that she had shed some serious tears earlier that day

“Well, shouldn’t you be prepared for this kind of thing when you started dating without getting divorced, or at least you might have made clear your intention?  I thought Ge Wen knew,” Simone said coldly.

Simone was tough but true, yet maybe too tough and true for nothing. Should she just hold Ou Yang in her arms and let her cry more?

“He wanted me to give him François’s name and phone number!” Ou Yang was reluctant to say François’s name.

Ge Wen was very angry for the fact that she started dating and sleeping with “this guy” whom he had no idea about.

“Who is this guy? Why was he spending time with MY son?” Ge Wen asked, attacking with his questions. “Is he really better than me? Is he so good and considerate? Am I that disgusting to you?”

These questions stunned Ou Yang. Ge Wen’s temper – a temper Ou Yang had never seen before – scared her. Such fury, coming from this meek, sheep-like husband, began to shatter Ou Yang’s nerves in a strange way she had never felt before. She became desperate, so desperate that she wished she could hide herself somewhere, anywhere where she wouldn’t have to answer those questions.”

Ge Wen was scared too. He began to realize that he was losing his wife to “this guy” whose name he actually did not want to know ever, to some unknown, green-eyed ghost. His worst nightmare might become reality in no time: his hope for life, his only son might not live with him forever, instead, he might spend time with this gxx who had done nothing for him, but soon might enjoy the harvest for which Ge Wen had worked so hard all his life.  Further more, he couldn’t even imagine the reaction of his parents when they found out they were losing their only grandson – the last sole male of three generations of their family…

Surprisingly even to himself, Ge Wen was also scared in another sense. He was scared at his own rare display of anger…

 

To Be Continued…

The Hidden Seduction – Part VII-1- Taste of New Life

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Part VII-1-  A Taste of New Life

 

Ge Wen accepted a job and moved to Vancouver in the middle of September 2011.

He presumed that Ou Yang would come to join him, bringing their son along, if he was making more money, and that he would feel more comfortable in an English-speaking environment. Feeling more comfortable would usually make one more relaxed and better in bed, which would please his wife as a result, and set everything right again. He was guessing his way out.

The tough thing for him was that his wife seemed to have a habit of appreciating what she didn’t possess and destroying what things she did. Ou Yang was a victim of the martyr mentality – someone  who believed o be the unluckiest person on earth, misunderstood by the whole world, and what’s more, that the entire universe opposed her on purpose.

Ge Wen was indirectly made to feel guilty, thinking he was to blame for not providing happiness and a better life for his wife and son. More money and a new environment, he somehow believed, would improve their situation and give the three a fresh chance in Vancouver.One can certainly hope for the best, even though physical or change in geographical locations might not have anything to do with the change of one’s mentality.

Unconscious of what the root of the problem wa, Ge Wen blamed himself. He focused on the needs of his wife and son – seemingly achievable goals – to avoid having to attend to his own. After all, he came from a nation whose needs were invariably shut out, making it easier to care for the needs of others than one’s own.

When he really thought about it, he wasn’t even sure what his needs were. He had become like a coconut shell drained of its juices, or a transplanted tree strangled by strong vines, choked by the needs of his wife and son, or by the cultural need for survival of the Chinese man.

Somewhere down the line, his heart and body had become disconnected; he had no idea who he really was. He felt absurd and totally disoriented, and without bearings, as he had left his whole world behind once again.

He was completely in the dark about Ou Yang’s online dating.  With his busy new $60K job and a new lease on life, Ge Wen continued dreaming energetically about his reunion with the two he left in Montreal. His increased salary didn’t really make much difference with the rocketing house prices and higher cost of living in Vancouver, let alone the fact that the Quebec offered better child support and much less expensive education

Ge Wen called his son twice a week – one weekday and one weekend – to ask about his studies and chess practice. Every four or five weeks, he made the flight back to Montreal to visit, using the discounted airfares from his accounting job at Air Canada to fly back and forth.

During these visits, Ge Wen slept in the basement guest room of their cottage. He would take his son shopping during the day and out to the movies in the evening.

Only when he was back with his son, either playing with him in the basement or going out, or holding his soft little hands, did he feel back to himself, no longer lost, almost even happy, Coming back to Montreal, a city that he had hated so much, made him feel nostalgic for his good old times. Traveling back and forth and being with his son distracted him from his miserable, awkward and lonely present. His son was like an alternative version of himself in the past and also in his own future,  but without pain or loss.

He kept trying to persuade Ou Yang to sell the cottage and move to Vancouver. But Ou Yang didn’t want to. She wanted to try a different life with a different man, and it was troublesome to search for a new job.

She didn’t love her job; her boss was “unprofessional”, someone for whom she had nothing but contempt. But she was still reluctant to move. It was the first time they had stayed in one place after leaving Xi’an, China, settling in Montreal for nine years now, and she wasn’t eager to pick up and move again. She also wanted their son to continue learning French.

It all depended on François, this new man in her life. If it worked out, she would stay; if not, she would continue dating around or leave for Vancouver.

Ou Yang dropped by Simone’s one Friday night; Ge Wen was visiting and had taken their son out. He brought the check of his share of the mortgage payment.

“How is life with Ge Wen not here?” Simone asked.

“Oh, God!” said Ou Yang, as if the God in whom she did not believe would understand.

“Busy,” she said, “suuuper busy.” Ou Yang couldn’t believe how difficult it was to handle the full schedule all on her own.

“François lives in Mont St-Hilaire on the South Shore and works from his home office. It takes almost an hour to get here, so he only comes over on weekends. He’ll take us to dinner or golfing sometimes, and we have fun. He’s really nice to my son, too. But he can’t help out during the week,” she explained.

“Well, no one is perfect,” said Simone. “But he’s a good person and nice to your son; that’s what’s important.”

“ Yeah, I know, and I am happy about that!” agreed Ou Yang. “No Chinese man would do this, treating my son like his own.”

Chinese people and westerners had a very different mindset. Chinese men would avoid middle-aged women with extra baggage, preferring naïve young girlfriends instead. And a married Chinese woman and mother would be uncomfortable and feel strange with a westerner adopting someone else’s child as their own. Family blood was the only tie strong enough to warrant kindness and care.

Simone hadn’t heard from Ou Yang in a few months, but she understood that the life of a single mom was not easy and hadn’t wanted to disturb her. She hoped Ou Yang would begin to enjoy her life a little now that she had made her decision. Especially after months, maybe even a year, without sex. At last Ou Yang had someone who “cared for her”, and cared about her son too.

Of course, François wasn’t perfect in Ou Yang’s eyes, but who was in this world? Still, Simone was happy for her, happy to be replaced by someone who could help solve her friend’s problems   with something that had been said to be universal and magical.

 

To be continued…

 

 

The Science of Love – Barbara Fredrickson

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“Love, and its absence, fundamentally alters the biochemicals in which your body is steeped”.

“Remarkably, people with higher vagal tone are more flexible across a whole host of domains — physical, mental, and social…”

“Learning how love works can make a clear difference in your life. It can help you prioritise moments of shared positive emotions and elevate your faith in humanity. Science need not inevitably leave you holding a flat corkboard with a dismembered butterfly pinned to it. Science can also glorify, painting a colourful and multidimensional road map for a more potent life journey, one that eliminates the detours of false hopes, false prophets, false claims, and charts a course toward the REAL THING. It can leave the butterfly alive and whole and set it free.”

Want to know in details? Here is the link:

http://www.aeonmagazine.com/oceanic-feeling/barbara-fredrickson-biology-of-love/