A few days ago, I was invited to have lunch by one of my oldest friends, who is my Yunnan university colleague. We have been friends since 1984 even though we are of 13 years of age difference. We were both teachers. Each year I visit Kunming, we always have lunches or dinners with other friends.

As usual, we had lunch. He is a learned person and he likes to share his knowledge. He gave me 2 books. One is the autobiography by his mother who is now 83 years old and who also graduated from the same university as us. The other is his own thesis-like book called: “Talent Comes From Education”.

I am more interested in his mother’s autobiography, because I know that his mom is quite one of a kind –  an energetic, talkative and mentally very active woman. I went through the pages with photos inside and planned to read it after.

Today, it is very cold and I find myself sitting on the sofa reading the autobiography. It is called: ” My Ordinary Life”, which is not at all ordinary. Any one’s life during her time could never be “ordinary” as China was going through endless big changes from chaos to chaos! Reading the Chinese history through her life from 1945-now- her grand daughter’s time, brings me flashes of my own memory and what my parents told me of that terrible time. If ever you have read the British writer George O’nell’s novel: ” 1984 “, you would have understood what I mean easily, otherwise, you would hardly have any idea how horrible the Revolutions and the Cultural Revolution could be.

The autobiography told in simple ways her life experience. All I can feel is that the protagonist is happy that she survived the tumbling time from a ” bad family background” by doing her best what she was supposed to do as a person who wanted to survive. Her father was one of the important guys who went to study in Japan for 2 years and was working for Mr. Tang Jiyao for years. Mr. Tang was one of Governors General of Yunnan in the 20s and was one of the people who founded Yunnan University. She was born in Japan. As a horrible, yet quite normal consequences, her father committed suicide and also did her uncle who was summoned back from Taiwan by her dad just before 1949 the new China.  With all these anti-revolutionaries in her family, she did survive, and not bad at all! Now she has one son, my friend, who is well retired from Yunnan University and one grand daughter who graduated from one of the best Chinese universities in Shanghai and now working in New York  and living in New Jersey. I read her pride and that of her son and I am happy for them.

It is all very great to have achieved what she did. Even though the success might be against her will and true nature!  Over the lunch, Mr. Zhang, my friend, also told me something very interesting and surprising! His grand father has 13 children including his mom with 2 wives, so he has many cousins. One of his cousins also graduated from Yunnan University and was given a teaching job at a college. The interesting thing is that she resigned about 10 years ago from the Iron-Rice Bowl ( with life insurance, medical care and free housing ) and became a full time Christian believer! Holly cow! It is incredible to believe that as a Chinese and impossible to believe that she as a weak Chinese individual did a thing like that! She talks about Bible, the life of Jesus to friends and families, she does not play Majiang ( a kind of gambling game ) and she travels around the world for her” business”… At the end of my friend’s telling, he commented: ” eh, she is wasted! ”  This is such a normal comment that I bet 99% of Chinese would utter, yet it is hard to believe that it comes out from a scholar’s mouth about his own cousin!

From my parents, the schools’ teachings, the party ( communist ) and the society’s intention, any one who does not go into the direction pointed by them, he/she will be labeled as a person wasted! but I admire her truly from the bottom of my heart that she did it against all the people and the society! I am  proud of her even having the courage to think about it! I told my friend my opinion about his cousin’s choice and I asked him for a visit of her if it is possible.

China is an old country and a new one at the same time. She has not understood the necessity of encouraging its people to go for their own dreams, different dreams from the MAIN Stream! China is seen as to have opened up since 1991 after Deng Xiao Ping’s visit to Shenzhen, a city close to Hong Kong, nevertheless, real opening up of mind takes painfully a long time. Of course, Chinese have opened their eyes for economy, but not really for spiritual pursue, and not in that many detailed cultural domains. A university professor could still think that having a different choice is wasted, you can imagine many sad stories are still going on between parents and children about different choices…

A closest example is my brother. He decided to drop his medical career to become a professional musician ( singer and guitarist ) about 3 years after graduation in 1991 and 5 years of studies in a Medical University in Cheng Du. He has been a pro musician since 1995, 15 years now. As we know the trend for free-lancer musicians, if they are not picked up by the main stream nation-owned Troupes or entertainment companies to go into commercial side, they will have trouble even in survival! That is the case of my brother. After 15 years of increasing struggles of  professional life, travelling between bars and cities, seldom being home with his daughter and wife, his wife left! My parents, his wife and me raised his daughter! My parents often said: ” See,  he does not listen to us, so he has been suffering! ” I often regret the fact that his not-well-doing become my parents proof that his choice is wrong! To me, his choice has nothing wrong. People with different choices are usually those who are intelligent and brave! The results are other stories, which are often of complicated and complex reasons!

My parents told me another story. The daughter of one of their friends chose to be a small business owner selling clothes after her university graduation. Her father stopped talking to her ever since. She was even not welcome to go to his home! The father himself is an artist and he wished her to be like him! Well, she did not satisfy his dream and went into another direction, which created the misery of the family for years till now! In the father’s eye, for sure, she is another ” wasted” person!

I have been supporting my brother from the very beginning of his different career and I have done what I can. Not only for the reason that he is my brother, but more for the reason that I would like to see each human-being happy doing what they like, thus our world becomes passionately inventive and innovative! I have been serving as a break for my parents’ discouraging comments about him and his ” hopeless” career and I have been wishing that he, my brother,  will be fine, at least feel happy about what he does for life despite of survival problems including psychological pressure from his environment.

My son is in Montreal with me. I had tried very hard to have him there 3 years ago. Instead of sending him directly to University at 18 years old while he was completely qualified according to his schooling and scholar marks, I sent him to Dawson college for 2 years. All of his classmates in China are at the last grade of University or preparing to go on the post-graduate study level while my son is not at University yet! My parents are worried and often said that we ( me and my son ) did not do right and have wasted too much time! I know China and Chinese kids. I know where my son was at spiritually 3 years ago. I wanted to give him a break from this Chinese ” education” and wanted him to wake up from the mundane of not knowing what he wants! I would like him to choose his own road and prepare well for his success later! Talents are usually out there already. It would be great if we can have the eyes to discover them and provide them with suitable growing conditions and environment. I am a stubborn woman who believes that there is no waste materials in construction, but only wrong labeling and miss usage.

I am leaving within 10 days for Montreal. I hope that I can meet this special courageous lady to experience again the pioneer spirit of our race and the courage of the heart! I will remember again how we can be at today because of these intelligent and bold people who opened different roads that may not be smooth, but may be proves that we human beings can be true human-beings by trying not to conform, yet by trying to be different and inventive.

I have been back to China for about four weeks now and I haven’t written anything other than my trip experience, not because that I am lazy or have no time, rather that I received too much striking information to be able to put anything solid down! Any good writing relies on mature thoughts and my mind has been turning around crazily for answers! …China is getting crazy, in good and bad ways, and in ways that make me wonder…

The very first impression is that China is becoming a commercial country. There are shops everywhere, one after another, following people to where ever there is new development. They are all brand-new, bright, well decorated with expensive materials such as marble stones, selling painfully expensive stuff! The pictures attached in the article of New York times: In China, Cultivating the Urge to Splurge best show what I am talking about. It seems that China is turning EVERYONE into merchants, a country where, traditionally,  merchants had been looked down upon as the Jewish merchant in Shakespeare’s “Merchant of Venice” ! Yet the more expensive the stuff is, the more lonely the shop becomes.

The places where you find most crowded are the whole sale markets where a bra costs 12RMB while 500RMB is the price in the shining stores! The price difference is all the more appalling with different brands!  Strangely, with the whole-nation-run commerce, China is regarded as a non-consuming country for the reason that ordinary Chinese families save 20-40% of their income instead of being like Americans saving almost zero( nowadays, many of them would be greatly releaved if they can keep up with their mortgage payments! ). This NYT article thinks that China and US will help each other out of the economic crisis in turning China into a consuming country, in another word, getting Chinese people’s “big” pennies out from their pockets by speeding up the consumation. What do you think? Shouldn’t we think about how we got into this crisis before we try to find the solution? We might be out this time, but what are we going into once we are out?

Second jaw- dropping image is that China is a paint-fresh country with weird illogical phenomena! On one hand, everything is new and fresh: skyscrapers, new real estate developments with wonderfully planned stereo-typed gardens, falls, wooden bridges and pavilions, even granite stone walk ways! On the other, we see buildings of only 10 years old looking not far from slums, having dirty water streaks, broken balconies, weathered wooden bridges, pavilions, bamboo chairs with three legs, water ponds of unprosperous stale water…No wonder that overseas Chinese only buy houses of less than 10 years old…As a condo owner in China myself,  I have never seen any legal document such as ” The Declaration of Co-Ownership”  in the condo management  and there is NO condo Management Committee. This means that  no owner knows how their condo is managed and where their condo fee is spent. Equally, owners, by building the solariums on tops of the buildings, have no idea that the roofs do not exclusively belong to them…It was a true story that one developer even attenpted  to “take” back the already planted and sold expensive trees in the big day time…

“Splurge” is an exact word to describe many parts of Chinese cities. It is also a precise word by which we get a sense of what present Chinese culture seems like: extraordinarily beautiful outside, like the drop-dead opening ceremony of Beijing Olympic Games in the extremely modern architecture, the splendid fireworks of the 13th Asian Games, the Shanghai World Expo. But they were built with billions of RMB  contributed by the sweating workers and with confiscation of land and properties which people have no right in saying no to(I believe that they were properly arranged some where else far away).  The Water Cube concert hall stage glittering with gold and platinum speaks loud for the crave and craze  for splurge in Chinese culture !!

Another thing I saw on TV that I can describe as weirdly “splurge” is that a billionaire mister gives tons of gold to poor people with a loud voice, aiming at summoning other rich Chinese enterprises to follow the “splurge” of his action. Yes, it is great what he is doing, but how come we have people rich as him and people poor as billions of others? He does have brought many rich enterprises in joining his action of giving and I am all for great deeds, but I am sure that many eyes might be blinded by the heroic “splurge” of this story. As a wise nation, each of its individual should have the right and dignity to be well-off by having fair opportunities and I hope that this Mister shall keep in mind that the glory of his generosiy only belongs to God ( to Heaven as the Chinese expression)!

If you have been a Chinese and lived overseas for many years, you could be happy for these great changes. Yet, you can feel that behind these changes, something has not changed. Quite many Chinese in Montreal complain that the Canadian Medical system is slow, the French popultion discriminates allophones by requesting them and their kids to learn French, while at the same time, most of their country men could not even afford medical care, with many dying outside the hospitals.  Poor people have to bend their knees and grey their souls for their kids’ normal 9-year education…We see million-condos all pre-sold, and handicapped people bleakly sing for pennies just beside sales display windows…Something has not changed under the marvelous granite paved walkways and behind the gilded concert halls …

One morning, when I was exercising in the park of the living quarter, I over heard an interesting conversation between two old ladies. Both were over sixty-five years old and retired, I assume. The talkative one’s husband died six years ago. She was waning that she had been very lonely after her husband passed away…that she could not bother her kids to look after her all the time and that she was deeply worried that she could die alone without any one knowing… They complained about the Retirement Homes’s bad service, but was also horrified at the same time by the idea that they could end up dead alone at home. I hope you can understand the desperate state of mind of elderly Chinese and the pressure of this issue on their Children. Do you know that Chinese kids are their parents’ insurance companies? Especially for the real needy peasants who have no stable income and no insurance of any kind, Kids are not only the sole measure to insure their old age, but also to secure their emotional and spiritual dependence, for the cruel and unbelievable sad fact that Chinese people in general have no belief to hold them through their old age. They have only their children or grand children, nonetheless those who would very well be driven into spiritual numbness by deliberate avoidance of spirituality or chase blindly the development for development’s sake …

We would wonder how men’s bones have been soft with their muscles and brain stiffened and how the spirit of innovation of our people has been killed! How can an eagle fly when it is chained to the ground, let alone the fact that most are trained to be cows to pull the heavy cart of history and to bear responsibilities for the life and happiness of their parents…I absolutely agree that China will step onto another level only when she changes into an innovative country. Nevertheless, to the contrary of the wish of  Chinese parents and the country, 60% of the university graduates each year could not find any jobs, not including the billions of “failed” kids! As a mockingly brutal result, instead of helping their elderly parents with their old age problems, they are “eating off” their poor parents year after year!

Earlier this evening, I had a tea party with some of my friends. We talked about where happiness come from. All of them said Chinese are not happy because there is dictatorship, there is unfairness, there are people starving or dying outside the hospitals, all reasons for not being happy! One of them said that I become so naive and simple living years in Canada…Who says that their comment is not true? I am happy that I am still naive and simple, and mostly, I hope they can see and feel the reason why I am a joyous person. I am happy that Canada provide me with a well secured society,  the important SPACE for me to think and grow DIFFERENTLY and I managed to have time for myself to be able to learn and  feel more about life and its essence: genuine and grateful attitude towards life, curiosity, stereo-typed way of thinking and joy for even the smallest action in life, such as smiling to an unknown person…

I have been reading Zhuang-Zi, Lao Zi since long time ago. Chinese is such a great nation with such an old and marvelous Han culture! It is impossibly surprising that we let it disappeared for so many centuries since the last Qing Dynasty and we fooled ourselves so long ! It is very regretful that I had to leave China hunting for what I could have obtained right here in China and it is shameful that I had to re-discover my own culture by millions of miles of traveling back and forth…Yet, “traveling tens of thousands of miles should follow reading tens of thousands of books” serves as an excellent excuse for leaving China…Staying in Canada so many  years, I have already fallen in love with my new country while having my home country in heart wishing its people true happiness…

Changing China into a country with consuming economy will not change China profoundly, and it will not help US to save their economy by selling their technologies to China or providing services for Chinese if China does not change from the root. If we criticize China for its fake GDP, then I truly doubt about the author’s point. “A consuming economy” for what, for a dog in the cage chasing its own tail? I’d rather see that ordinary people have insurance of life and medical care so that they can stop killing their daughters or continue having too many kids to have food and education for them,; I would want them to enjoy free education rather than seeing the schools chase profit introducing unfairness from the cradle or rather than seeing them chasing the fames of universities;  I’d rather see the joyous light in everyone’s eyes, the smile on everyone’s face, respectful and careful attitude from everyone’s heart!

We forget that we do not need much to be healthy, joyous and happy. We can have it any time and any where. I do not believe that we should be defined by the reality, rather that the reality be defined by how we think. It will be a shame that we do not inherit our culture and improve our mind , change our way of thinking or perspective. We will be damned if we are only defined by our reality which may not necessarily be wise at all!  ” Consuming” should never be the solution to any problem. Changing our fake and superficial life style to a modest, balanced and genuine one should be the answer. I do not want to see Chinese get over weight like many Americans after years of eating fast foods. I hate to accept the fact that Macdonald or many other commerces get rich by misleading people into a wrong and unhealthy life style for which many other commerces try to sell their diet plans after to correct…

What the on earth we are doing when we need only three small decent meals but instead we over kill our fine senses by stuffing our stomachs and with dozens of spices at the same time ? ” A Consuming Economy” might serve very well for misleading people into this unhealthy and wasteful life style and leading the globe into destruction. Can you imagine 16 billion people wasting resources like the Americans with two people having three or four big cars!?

Life style or how we can healthily and happily live our lives should be the solution to our present global  problems. To Americans, to Chinese or Europeans, the solution should be the same. We do have enough wealth for everyone to live well, if we do believe the concept of having equal right to the share of natural resources and use the wealth wisely.  Most importantly, we will have to adjust our way of thinking about life itself and find a way to live our lives joyously with modest consuming speed, of course, we will not be like North Korea starving and denying our natural needs.  I believe this is the true solution instead of turning the rest of the world into ‘Consuming Economy” without conscious, vision, priority and truly knowing how we can keep balance and how to be happy.

The world economy is just like a giant devil. Who has this wisdom, strength and power to hold it back for a moment for us to re-think and re-design where we are going? Isn’t the economic crisis the right moment?