I remembered that my previous husband told me quite a few times that he was “a person with no dreams”. I don’t think he meant that he does not dream during nights, but rather that he does not have dreams as such that he has not been familiar with and that he couldn’t think himself doing, or he does not have further goals for improving himself to be better> Of course, partners should share similar life formula, in other words, mentality, behavior wise and after all, the understanding of the meaning of life: having dreams and realizing dreams! In other words, having projects together or our own projects to keep life interesting and us interested in with passion!
My divorce from my ex served as a very good example of this partnership NOT being able to share similar life formula as he had declared of his spiritual status , therefore, this partnership was soon to end after about 2 years and it was dragged another 2 years because of my traditional moral input! The exhaustion of this unfit partnership came to an end by me feeling completely suffocated and me slowly changing into someone I do not recognize! We did not have the important thing in common: the spiritual hunger. Thus naturally, we did not have other things in common to keep us interested and growing together, i.e. a dream of having a house , a dream of being able to dance, a dream of behaving differently and better in dealing with neighbors instead of yelling at them for their misconduct, a dream of being able to visit Vancouver after 10 times flying over without feeling guilty not to hurry home to see him! I just felt in vain to have seen him LOOKING at TV ( not watching ) in the evenings and having heard him complaining that everyone at his work was an asshole. I was exhausted by this mind with no light for me to see in an already dark tunnel! After all, the partnership ended naturally by my highly self protective instinct that I should never be changed into a paranoid doubtful little pathetic being who should live to give back the glory to nature!
I do not regret what had happened even all my Chinese friends thought I should stay against all my western friend’s opinion, because he is not a bad person and he is quite better-off as the site manager! After this break-up and renunciation of all my rights as a wife, what I gained showed a great exuberant power & energy with abundant positive results! These just could not have happened if I had stayed with him, because ” I do not want this person be invited to our wedding”, ” I do not want a house”, ” I can not do this, I am not interested in that…”. Life was just full of a big NO every where in our life and my life had become so easily agitating to him and I had been accused and blamed often for the things I did or did not… I would have done it again and again to renounce my rights just to re-gain my freedom as an independent spirited person with wonderfully interesting possibilities…
Since then, I have been working as a mortgage broker for 7 years, obtained a few properties, I have grown an interest in interior designing and renovations, my modern homes were designed & partially executed by myself with soon to be beautiful gardens, I can deal with problems of clients, properties and tenants with ease, toughness, rules, kindness and enjoy what I had believed fair and good ( I do not panic anymore!)! Now I can dance far into the nights without worrying to hear manipulative words and false assumptions…and now I can visit Vancouver without feeling guilty at all, and I can take a complete year off not working at all, reviewing my past life and re-adjusting my life and goals after the completion of a full circle of real estate golden 8 years…After all, alas, life is of such beautiful liberated energy and creation that bring us everything we ever wanted! Most importantly, I had been very happy with projects which required devotion, hard work and techniques! After all, I became the example of life that is meant to praise God, its dignity, free spirit and its ultimate value of life.
A few nights ago, I had a weird dream. I dreamed that I met Brad Pitt in his thirties, the 10-years-ago sex icon, attended dancing shows and joined charity activities! Very impressively to myself after I woke up, I still saw a girl reciting a poem in front of me. She stroke me as a very young and sweet person with extraordinary big eyes! Those vast eyes with wavy long eyelashes were cast on her oval shaped face and I was so deeply attracted by the expressiveness of the keen eyes which were obviously trying to say something sweet and important, yet astonishingly, there was no sound heard! Is it because I saw no lips so I heard no sound or because dreams are just simply mute…I felt quite sad about the fact that she could not talk out what she was trying to say, but her eyes were keen and diligent enough to tell what she was trying to make across, maybe not well received by the one she meant to speak to, yet to me, it is enough to make an unforgettable impact …
These are literary dreams. Yet do they have anything to do with our real life? Dreams are not exactly our reality, they are most probably the reflections of our daily thoughts or actions, and they might direct us to the place where it displayed in the dreams. As it is said in this article about dreams, they are our daily events incorporated and complexly woven together . Most of the time, we are not clear or sure about what we want, thus dreams serve as some important way to help us understand what we want(our dreams), especially when we are about to enter into taboo areas…or even dreams can reveal the future results of what we are heading for…
Wonderful and mystical in a weird way, isn’t it? It seems that life itself has an almighty function: creating dreams, displaying thoughts and events in some seemingly non-connected way and eventually resolving problems. We need to be patient of ourselves, listen and watch our own dreams, follow the results that have been displayed there in the deep dark corners of our soul…of course, before they are forgotten after waking up! But weirdly enough, usually, what is deeply wished and wanted or what is of top importance in real life will not appear at the beginning of the night, they will always wait for us to fall into death-deep sleep before dawn to appear in our dreams, to reveal the truth about life. In doing so, the timing makes us always remember the important and meaningful dreams even after we wake up, only to remember the details of the events and feelings, to recall the direction the dream is pointing at, to receive the meanings of dreams…
As I get older and have less confusion and fear about life, I have less and less unimportant dreams. My countable literary dreams are getting closer and closer to the dreams of my soul: what I really want from life for my life. Life is wonderful and incredible with both kinds of dreams! It radiants energy and power, it liberates our soul and spirit, it points out directions and unfolds vision! Life hurts, but dreams console and heal! Daily-events-incorporated dreams retroactively print significant impact on our life with sunlight, life with solidity and no regrets!
Life without dreams is not worth living!
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