Suicide!

I heard that Stephane’s ex-wife’s brother in-law just committed suicide a few days ago after he was told about his terminating health situation!

“What the holy moly!” was my exclamation!

He actually hanged himself leaving behind a 15 years old teenage boy!! Holy Moly!!

I do not know what else I should say except this ” Holy Moly”!

This morning, still in bed, after one night sleeping over this “Holy Moly” event, I asked Stephane naively:

“we are all going to die one day, aren’t we?”  Of course, this naive question won’t get a naive answer!

Stephane finds it unacceptable for the fact that he just went away without thinking about his young needy son, yet I find no words to express my sorrow and empathy for his situation, less any unfavorable judgement.

Life is meant to live its natural course and its ultimate heavenly irrevocable meaning. Suicide obviously violates this natural law. Yet, don’t forget that we have been processed differently into believes as in what life is about and how it is lived. This person who just hanged himself saw no sense of life after he knew about his depressive health problem and saw no light even at the end of the tunnel based on what he was processed into! Life, to him, had come to the end!

I really do not know what was turning in his head and how he was feeling when he was going through the decision of taking his own life. I just can’t judge him anything alongside feeling deeply helpless and understanding, no matter what an ass hole he might have been all his life.

Lives are different. We should accept different endings of different lives. His death is what his life meant to be and we can do nothing about it, at least at this late stage! We can not say it is bad or good that he took his life. It was meant to be & only the spirit knows if it is the right way or not!

I know that I sound inactive and unhelpful, it seems that I would see these people die without feeling emotional for them, therefore, I should not try to be a psychologist whose job is to help people with spiritual problems. But it is untrue! Each life itself has such a unique,  furtherest and impossible& unreachable purpose that we just only have to obey its natural choice. Chinese philosopher Zhaung-Zi’s “Balance between human beings and heaven” versus( or together with) the modern Darwen’s ” Survival the fittest”, shows this ultimate rule of universe: life has its natural course: live when we are motivated and not when we lost hope. Between this motivation and losing hope, there are thousands of reasons that are out of our control and that lead each of them to form its own end.

On this subject, I myself have become such a fatalist comparing to the revolutionary Russian hero in ”  Как закалялась сталь ( How the Steel Is Refined )” by the Russian writer : Николай Алексеевич Островский, who fought his fate vigorously and who had become an icon for the Russian idealistic revolutionaries.  When we fight our fate, life evolves! This evolution changes the look and connotation of our life completely and we are hence given different feeling about life and the way for us to be. It is not to say that our survival situation has developped into such a convenience  and laziness with no such effort required( yet greatly true fortunately and unfortunately!), we have become very different than the protagonist in the novel needed to be.  Because of this comfort and easiness of life, we seem to have lost the necessity for idealism that have been holding our soul up and sound, that will fulfill our souls with purpose and eventually will avoid suicide to happen…

I knew another 2 cases of suicide, one of Alexandre’s maternal grand father who told his wife to let him go knowing that he had the kidney disfunctional problem, because he did not want to be the pain for his loved ones; another one of Stephane’s uncles in Switzerland who just disappeared into the wood at his last days…

Between the brother who hanged himself, the other 2, and Николай Алексеевич Островский the writer who expressed his idealism through his novel and fought against his fate himself all his life, there is no comparability, yet there is this fact behind that life carries on to show its wonderfully sad or happily inspiring variations…they both touched my heart in a very different & profound way!