Today it is your birthday. It is not an ordinary birthday for you, nor a plain one for me neither.
Most of your birthdays, I could only hear your voice over the phone crossing ocean and lands, crossing 12,000 miles half way around the world and I could only wish you Happy Birthday, hoping that you could feel my love through these 4 pale Chinese words 生日快乐, hoping with a slight worry and doubt that you be alright without me everyday in your life…
My heart is pumping hard and fast this moment I write, recalling all the days, months and years thinking about you, worrying about you and loving you without you beside. My tears start running down my face this moment I write, hearing your voice changing from a boy into someone who sounds like a duck, and then into a man, seeing you growing taller, smarter and you turning into a handsome young man…
My Life has been full of joy with you born into my world, even though I was totally unprepared. Upon hearing that you were inside me, I was scared the shit out and I even bit my tommy out of fear! I hope you didn’t feel my cruel hits yet instead, you become stronger and tougher!
The green summer days under the beautiful Gingko trees on my campus watching you playing Dominos with the red bricks at 1-3 years old, winking each other’s eye lashes together on the sofa, picking out your ear shit now and then, falling back together on the bed when tired learning piano, bringing you to Decos watching you eat 2 hamburgers, one chicken breast with 10 small chicken balls drinking one big Coca Cola at age of 12-13, watching you danse (latin), with your arms dangling in the air not knowing where to put them properly…endless fun moments, endless joyful images and endless memories of you and me being together happily, no feeling of time, sorrow, or fear!
My life has been added the ultimate precious value with you being my son! You your self, your life itself has been the most precious gift I ever had in my life! I am honored and proud to be your mother, a mother who was not sure how to be a mother, who has been learning how to be your mother while most time not being there and who has become a better person because of being your mother!
It snows big flakes outside and you are at school at this moment. Today, it is your unusual birthday, your birthday of getting into 20 years of age, in Montreal Canada, a birthday which symbolizes the start of your adulthood!
You were born in the year of Dragon! How often we Chinese wish our kid be a dragon and how much heart, energy and money we spent in wishing our kid become a dragon! I bought the best gifts for you and remember all those expensive Legos!? Yet today I haven’t bought you anything! Instead of buying you the best gift, I want to let you know that I have been always trying to give you the best gift behind the gifts: the best mother, the mother who always love you no matter what, when and where, the mother whom I hope you love and look up through forever! That should be the best gift for you, and best parents are the best and indispensable gifts for all our children!
Mom, Jan.30th, 2009.